An American's Guide to Belfast

Apoligise to our more cultured American Readers (we just couldn't help ourselves)

Key Facts

Northern Ireland consists of Belfast, there are a few villages outside Belfast but these are extremely small and consist of a population not exceeding double figures, due to there size people in these "villages" cannot vote, some term this Gerry mandering.

Northern Ireland has an extremely small population somewhere in the range of what would be an uncharted settlement in North Carolina.

Northern Ireland has had access to electricity since 1999, this was installed by funding aid from the USA

Social Policy

The traditional thacth cottage is where we still all live, however since recieving USA funding to install electric these are not as cold as usual and many of us are now surviving the winter

Ship building is still our traditional art, unfortunately we're not very good at it, and the bad press following our dodgy workmanship on the titianic has ruined our economy, but we hope to develop our football sewing skills and make American Footballs to sell all over America.

Guniness

We all drink Guiness in Northern Ireland, unfortunatly due to our limited technology we can not brew Budwesier, so if you are over, if you can give us any tips on how we could make guniness more like budwiser we would appreciate it, we actually recommend on your arrival that you go to the nearest bar and tell the staff where we are going wrong.

Dublin

Dublin is not part of Northern Ireland however it is located just outside the border and extends all the way to the southern coast, we are extremely jealous of Dublin and hope someday that Belfast will be like it.

Politics

We used to kill each other, this was due to feud between Loyalists and the Republicans, it was over the name of a town now refered to as The Maiden City, the war was over whether it should be called Londonderry or Derry, the Good Friday Agreement stated that it was called Derry in the County of Londonderry, now that we have this on paper we are getting on much better.

Their are only three people in Northern Irleand that want to remain in union with the United Kingdom but we are extremely bad at counting every time we hold a referendum we manage to make those three the majority of the population

Sport

While we play football it is not as advanced as your verision, we are currently talking to the American embassy to learn how to adapt your superior game into our sporting culture

We play a game similar to baseball called rounders, but unfortunately due to our humid climate we are unable to grow tobacco and the consequently shortage of chewing tobacco greatly hinders our ability to play baseball.